Truth & Reality

The Truth About Reality

2009-08-05T16:34:00.002-04:00

The truth about reality is that it hurts. Emotionally and physically.

Physically, I've be slapped, punched, kicked, spit on, and God know what else.
Emotionally, I am broken.

I've had it.

Boxes

2007-04-08T16:49:00.000-04:00

Don't just THINK outside of the box; LIVE outside of the box as well.

Guilty

2007-02-13T08:38:00.000-05:00

I think Howard K. Stern killed Daniel and Anna Nicole.

Purpose

2007-01-20T10:40:00.000-05:00

Today I remember why I wrote a letter to the Weekend Depressives. I have no purpose on the weekends.

Throughout the week I'm an employee working to fulfill my duties of inventory control at a pharmacy. Forget the purpose of working to pay bills. Everyone has bills. I'm talking about being important to other people. At work I'm a vital part of the machine; fifty percent of one department. I'm needed there. At home, though, that's a different story.

At home it's just me. Where's my purpose at home? Aside from feeding my animals and cleaning up after them, there's nothing. Clean the house. Then what? The people on T.V. need me to be their audience. Boring. Authors need me to read their books. Reverse. I need authors so that I can read their books to take my mind off of feeling sorry for myself.

I can't help but think that I may as well be a broom. I sweep up the mess at work during the week and every weekend I get put back into my closet. Unfortunely, a broom has more purpose than I do. Everyone knows the purpose of a broom just by looking at it. It's obvious. People in uniforms display their purpose. People with kids display their purpose.

My entire argument is invalid. I know my purpose. I just want more.

Typical

2007-01-12T01:10:00.000-05:00

For some reason, I decided to wear my 'Dork' shirt today. I guess I felt like it. Not the typical attire a typical girl would wear when meeting someone for the first time. Then again, I'm not the typical girl.

Work was work. Eight hours felt more like one-hundred. Typical.

Txt msg. "Where u at jezzebel?". The trash in my car went out to the dumpster. My gift to the local homeless folk who rumage there. "Early. On kzoo.", was the reply. I'm on my way.

Raining. Fogged windshield. It felt good to drive fast. Typical. A tropical calypso emitted from my phone. Awkward conversation at 80 m.p.h. in six o'clock traffic. I missed the east bound exit. Surface road. Theater. I called.

Laid out on the black leather sofa. Looked relaxed, but maybe it was a front. My wet soles screamed at the dry floor. Partially intentional. A hug. Akward. Maybe I shouldn't have done that?

Decision. View or chew?

View. Intermittant conversation like my wiper blades in the rain. Maybe I'm uptight, but this couch is too soft. Lean forward. Forgot about the gum. Reminds me of the Oompa Loompa song. Do I look like a cow with this bubblegum cud? Better than clenching my jaw. Typical.

Time for the show. I follow. Previews. A glance after every one. "What?". Why is he looking at me like that? Silly. I'm clueless. Lights dim. Dark. Movie starts. Hunger pangs.

Car chases. Bullets. Blood. All for the sake of the human race. Animals. Animals? I don't know either. His leg touched my knee. He's fidgeting. Head scratching. The hat. He's fidgeting. Am I a statue? He smells good. Fresh laundry. Better than cologne.

Lights on. Maybe he's sleeping. Walk out. Bathroom. I don't think he likes me at all. Waste of time. I feel guilty. I'm not very social. Typical.

Chew. Where? Shells on the floor. I've been here before. The waitress is attitude in an apron. More intermittant conversation, but he's funny. This is my real laughter. I have the smallest pinkie finger in the world? Is that right? I could have touched his hand. Should have? Maybe not.

Kid. He uses that word like he talking about a frying pan. No feeling. I'm scared to ask.

Time to go.

Drive home.

I don't think he likes me. Typical.

Sleep.

Gravina

2006-09-04T02:18:00.000-04:00

"A bore is a man who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company. " -Gian Vencenzo Gravina

Habitual Quitter

2006-09-04T02:06:00.000-04:00

I have one bad habit. I never stick with a hobby long enough to make it a habit.

Bitter Betty

2006-04-09T11:58:00.000-04:00

I am not offended very often, but when I am the offense is usually directed at one of my fervent moral beliefs.

Today's offense, something I've been mulling over for months, is how women these days have the audacity to choose a high-paying career and the single-life over the heavenly wealth of family. God did not put us on His Earth to be well-paid bachelors and bachelorettes. He put us here to be fruitful and multiply in number; to love each other as He loves us.

I grow tired of the celebrity news that reports another actress has decided to divorce her husband because she would rather play to the masses than with her own children; if she were to "ruin" her body to have any. "She wants to focus on her career", she would instruct her publicist to say, "It took her so long to get here." I don't know if that is what celebrities say when they realized they made the wrong choice in a spouse and the relationship isn't working out, but it gives the wrong impression to the young women and girls of future generations. "I want to be a divorced actress when I grow up!", exclaims little Suzie with gusto.

It used to be that celebrities were celebrated for their keen moral fiber, but nowadays they are celebrated for the tattered frays of immoral fiber that is constantly unraveling.

On the flip side, I have an aunt who, more than 10-years ago now, was divorced from her husband due to circumstances revealed by their 23-year old daughter's unexpected death. She lives with her cat in a well-decorated condo that is devoid of any proof of humanity. One could walk into her home and assume that it was the display model. It is not my intention to insult my aunt, she is a very gracious women, but she is very bitter and unaccepting of her situation. I once spoke to her about my desire to move out from under my mother's roof. I speculated to her that my mother, quite content with my situation, must not have any inkling that I might someday like to be married and have a family of my own. At that instant, my aunt looked at me as though she had just sucked a violently sour lemon and whispered, "No, you wouldn't."

I understand her plight, but she is from a distant generation of women who expected their men would always act as the provider. They never considered the possibility of working outside of the home and they believed their men would never leave them stranded in reality to pay their own bills and fix their own houses. My aunt will never forgive the man who left her; the man who moved away to marry another women, but that doesn't mean what happened to her will happen to me. If it does, I will learn how to live my life by not following her example.

With all that said, I believe there can be a happy medium. However, whatever that may be depends entirely on the priorities of each woman faced with the decision of career or family.

Miscellanious Complaints and Other Non-sensical Ramblings

2006-03-28T11:12:00.000-05:00

My keyboard is FILTHY and I can't manage to take it apart to clean it because I don't have the appropriate sized Allen wrench.

The big news around town is that there is a multi-million dollar mystery development in the downtown area. Everyone involved with the development doesn't/can't spill the beans and it's all over the news.

It's the last week of March and I'm wondering where the time went. Including this week, there are only five more weeks of school remaining in this semester.

I'm not sure I like Godsmack. They don't seem to be as poetic as Disturbed and Sully Erna's vocal talent isn't as much fun to listen to as David Draiman's. It's almost like Godsmack is just a Metallica wanna-be.

It took me thirty minutes to drive less than one mile yesterday because all of our city's immigrants where marching in the downtown area to protest HR4437, a bill to increase U.S. border security. If the bill will prevent thousands of ignorant people from marching in already congested downtown areas, approve it. The traffic was insane.

I need to move to a warmer climate before my thumbs, especially my left thumb, are no longer opposible. Stupid arthralgia.

The punks who call hockey games on OLN need to be strung up by the hair on their testicles for not respecting the superstitions of thousands of hockey fans who don't speak about shutouts during games. I think they do it on purpose; the morons.

I managed to open my window yesterday; it's been painted shut since October '05.

I installed a 512mb stick of ram in my Mac over the weekend, but I had to take it out again when I discovered the Apple version of the blue-screen-of-death, which is gray instead of blue and says PANIC instead of Fatal Error.

W.I.N.G.

2006-03-19T09:34:00.000-05:00

I got an F!

2006-03-11T15:35:00.000-05:00

I had an issue with a final grade for my Healthcare Law & Ethics class from the Fall '05 semester. The class was a 7-weeks online course (I'll never do that again!) and I had to ask for an Incomplete grade because I didn't have enough time to finish my research paper. The instructor granted the Incomplete which allowed me 30 more days to finish the paper and hand it in. The instructor didn't update my final grade right away, so the auto-grader thing switched my grade on my transcript to an F. It took the greater part of one month for the school to fix the error.

I'm happy to report that my final grade has been adjusted to it's proper position in the college alphabet.

A-

Me

2006-03-02T16:13:00.000-05:00

Nothing more than I ever was
And nothing more than I'll ever be
I'm just me
Inside and out
I'm just me

cR '06

Snow fish

2006-03-01T10:07:00.000-05:00

Paper pusher

2006-02-24T14:58:00.000-05:00

Once again I am without a job.

Stupid jobs.

Brain movement

2006-02-21T22:23:00.000-05:00

I can really tell when the Z wears off because I feel run-down. My brain gets tired and I start thinking too much. Every thought that crosses my mind becomes a jumble with the next one. I can't keep them straight and then the thoughts just float away as if there were no gravity in my head, then I get a headache because I clench my jaw. I clench my jaw like a vice grip, but I'm gripping nothing between my teeth except anger and frustration. Although they aren't tangible, anger and frustration are tough to chew.

I'm angry because I hate my job. The office is filled with women. I don't like working with women because they are so clueless. They are intermediate computer users at best and they look at me as if I am covered in bugs. I know they are judging me for not wearing clothes that are to their standards, but I don't care. I'm a temp and my sentence there will end in May. I'm so sick of driving 15 miles for the possiblity of 4 hours worth of work. It's completely stupid and not worth the gas.

I'm frustrated because I'm starting to feel the stickyness of life again. Although, I think that's part of being in a transitional period. I'm almost done with phleb school, so I'll have a new job soon that will hopefully pay more money and I won't have to worry about getting enough hours. Everyone always needs a good needle pokin' now and again.

Blogging is like having a bowel movement except that you're not moving your bowels. You're moving your brain. Therefore, brain movement.

I'm having a brain movement right now.

Excuse me while I go wipe.

Oh yeah, and I should probably take my Z lest I get brain diarrhea.

The Sentinel

2006-02-20T14:55:00.000-05:00

Drowsy. Sleepy. Down-right exhausted. Siobhan had always been a very tired girl.

Siobhan never managed to get a good night's sleep while growing up because she was always worried about her safety. And although she had her mother and father, she felt as though she had no one to protect her. She was right. Siobhan's parents were childish people and cared only about what would benefit them and never their daughter.

When Siobhan reached her late twenties, she found herself going through the motions of day-to-day life. She worked a job in which there was no advancement, her debt was mounting, and she struggled with every situation she was given because she was so exhausted. Siobhan's friends did what they could to help her, but nothing short of admitting her to a hospital against her will had worked. Until, Siobhan met The Sentinel.

The Sentinel was a tall man with jet-black hair, blue eyes, and strong arms. Features that Siobhan had always found attractive on a man. Although he was not shy, The Sentinel was a very quiet man. He never spoke any more or any less than he thought he should. Siobhan and The Sentinel spent many days and evenings together. They had become very good friends and Siobhan had felt a growing sensation of safety when she was with him.

One night, The Sentinel, seeing Siobhan's exhaustion growing, asked her why she was so tired. She told him the story of her youth and he understood. The Sentinel then stooped down to one knee, took Siobhan's hand in his and said, "Siobhan, I have seen the sun and moon rise in your eyes. The passing of every cloud and every breeze. I have felt the warmth of your breath on my cheek as you have laid your head wearily on my shoulder countless times. I know you are tired. Siobhan, will you let me protect you while you sleep?".
Siobhan, in utter amazement, burst into tears of joy. Without a second thought, Siobhan accepted The Sentinel's proposal.

For the next fifty years, The Sentinel watched over Siobhan every night while she slept; Siobhan had never slept so well. The years advanced and so did the lives of Siobhan and The Sentinel. Jet-black hair turned to blazing silver. Strong arms atrophied. The Sentinel grew weaker and weaker until his tiredness eventually closed the striking blue eyes that watched over the once tired girl; and Siobhan found herself alone again and very awake.

The End

cR '06

Hydro Charger

2006-02-17T19:01:00.000-05:00

I'm all for these new fuel cell cars, but why to the designers make them look like cheap kids toys?

Why can't they go back to the old-school designs of the 50s, 60s, and 70s.

I'd drive a hydrogen powered Dodge Charger any day.

Hmm...

2006-02-16T21:56:00.000-05:00

Someone whom I don't know told me that talking to me was like rubbing his dick on a cheese grater.

I'm not sure how I feel about this, but I'm sure that's got to hurt.

Saint Valentine's Day

2006-02-14T09:31:00.000-05:00

Answers.com says...

"Valentine's Day gifts, however, are another matter — there, American men outspend women two to one. The most popular gifts, according to the National Retail Federation, are (in descending order): candy/chocolate, dinner/a night out, flowers, and jewelry."

Men outspend women because most women are selfish, materialistic creatures who can't be happy unless someone is giving them something very expensive and yet completely useless.

"The first valentine on record was sent in 1415 by Charles, duke of Orleans, to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London. That message is on display in the British Library. In the 1840s a Massachusetts woman called Esther Howland came up with the idea of mass-producing Valentine's Day cards; now, about a billion are sent yearly, mostly by women.

"Dearest Roger,

I am giving you this cheap, unoriginal piece of card stock to show you how much I adore you. In return I expect a night out on the town and dinner in an expensive restaurant. Also, if it wouldn't be too much to ask, I would like a diamond the size of a golf ball.

With all my love,

Sally"

Backwards

2006-02-13T08:49:00.000-05:00

My mother stores vegetable oil in the refrigerator and open spaghetti sauce in the cupboard.

Cyborg

2006-02-12T09:51:00.000-05:00

Cyborg Name Decoder

ARRR!

2006-02-12T09:38:00.000-05:00

My pirate name is:

Mad Morgan Kidd

Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. Even though you're not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

Grunt

2006-02-09T14:54:00.000-05:00

I am...

the office grunt.

I don't mind being the grunt. I only wish I was allowed to wear blue-jeans.

Special Project Details

2006-02-03T15:28:00.000-05:00

After waiting around for an hour and not doing any work of real importance, the office chick in charge of the "special project" finally came back from lunch.

And the special project was....

"Make one-hundred copies of this letter and attach it to the back of these new agent packets. Then, file them."

What a joke.

70% of the agent's didn't even have folders in the filing cabinet.

Special Project

2006-02-02T19:07:00.000-05:00

Apparently, I get to work on a "special project" tomorrow at work.

I hope it's not something stupid. Those office chicks always have such strange ideas.

Details tomorrow...

Tired Temp Pt. 2

2006-01-27T21:09:00.000-05:00

Thursday; no work.

Friday; went to work (office), worked for TWO STUPID hours.

Went to temp agency and said, "I need more work. This office crap ain't cuttin' it."

So.....

They sent me to a factory where I inspected car pars ALL night! (7 hours)

Not too bad.

Gotta do, what ya gotta do.

My newest pet

2006-01-26T16:20:00.000-05:00

This is a picture of my aunt Georgina holding my new wombat, Rocko.

I got Rocko from a local rescue shelter that specializes in rescuing exotic animals from people who are no longer able to care for the animals or from people who treat them poorly.

Here is a link to a site about wombats...

http://www.dpiwe.tas.gov.au/inter.nsf/WebPages/BHAN-53F7KJ?open

Isn't Rocko cute?!!

Tired temp

2006-01-26T11:03:00.000-05:00

No work for me today; I did it all yesterday.

What a pisser.

Fifty-dollars

2006-01-24T18:59:00.000-05:00

After all the money I've spent on my education at Davenport thus far, they have the nerve to charge me a $50 application fee to GRADUATE!

I think it's funny.

You think you have issues?

2006-01-20T18:49:00.000-05:00

Try having a panic attack in the check-out lane at Meijer.

Poet

2006-01-19T23:18:00.000-05:00

"Poetry is not an expression of the party line. It's that time of night, lying in bed, thinking what you really think, making the private world public, that's what the poet does." -Allen Ginsberg

sigh...

2006-01-16T21:33:00.000-05:00

I need a hug.

Child of a Thoughtless Mind

2006-01-16T15:56:00.000-05:00

It is not my mind that is thoughtless; it is the mind of the woman who bore me.

Burn!

2006-01-15T19:02:00.000-05:00

"There is no better way to insult a idiot than with his own words." - I said that

Now that I think about it...

"The best way to insult an idiot is to keep your mouth shut and let the idiot do all the talking." - I said that too

Winter '06

2006-01-10T19:44:00.000-05:00

And so begins my last semester of school (yesterday); boy am I pooped!

Elementary Algebra on Mondays. Clinical Lab Procedures on Wednesday. I'm so NOT in the mood for these late night classes, but they are necessary if I want to get out of hell.

Algebra is pretty easy because I understand it; I guess that's good. I'm so dumb tired I don't even feel like making this post so...

Ineffable

2006-01-09T21:19:00.000-05:00

I have so many thoughts and feelings that are ineffable.

I like the word ineffable.

WMU here I come!

2006-01-06T18:21:00.000-05:00

English Major with Creative Writing Emphasis
43 Credit Hours

I. Required entry-level course

· 110: Literary Interpretation (4)
(Prerequisite: grade of B in ENGL 105, or equivalent)

II. Required writing courses (14 credits)

A. 266: Writing Fiction and Poetry (4)
B. Six hours of credit from the following courses:
· 366: Advanced Fiction Writing (3)*
· 367: Advanced Poetry Writing (3)*
· 368: Playwriting (3)*
(* These courses may be repeated one time for credit.)
C. 566: Creative Writing Workshop (4)

III. Literature and English language courses (13-14 credits)

A. Two of the following courses:
· 320: American Literature I (3)
· 321: American Literature II (3)
· 330: British Literature I (3)
· 331: British Literature II (3)

B. One of the following courses:
· 440: Studies in Verse (4)
· 442: Studies in Drama (4)
· 444: Studies in the Novel (4)

C. One additional English Department literature or English language course at the 200, 300, 400, or 500 level.

IV. Elective courses

At least one additional English Department course at the 200, 300, 400, or 500 levels to complete the major. The following courses cannot be used for this purpose: 100, 105, 107, 111, 112, 307, 311, or 480.
V. Foreign language requirement

Minimum of two semesters of a modern or classical foreign language at the college level, or two years of such study at the high school level. One year at the high school level coupled with the second semester of the same language at the college level is also satisfactory.

Roses

2006-01-04T22:08:00.000-05:00

Poems are like Roses. A bouquet of many smells sweet, but it's one, given in simple gesture, that means the most.

Empty

2006-01-04T19:17:00.000-05:00

If the tissue box is empty, and all the wet shoulders are hung out to dry, it's time to stop crying. - I said that

Daisy

2006-01-03T22:41:00.000-05:00

This is an image I captured on film several years ago and I have been looking for it for quite some time now. I just found it tonight.

Never Saw Blue Like That

2006-01-03T22:06:00.000-05:00

One of the free downloads on iTunes today is a song called Never Saw Blue Like That sung by Hayley Westenra.

I never heard of this song until today, so I did some digging and found that it's a song from the T.V. show Dawson's Creek, only it's sung by Shawn Colvin instead. I managed to get a friend to "adopt" the Colvin version of this song from the internet for me, so I've been listening to it for about an hour now.

It's a really mellow ballad featuring only piano and vocals. The lyrics are OK, but what really drives me to listen to this song is the piano. It reminds me that one of my outstanding goals is to refinish my piano so that I can play it or sell it for a different one.

I miss playing the piano. It was my first love.

What Ever Happened to...

2006-01-02T22:16:00.000-05:00

What ever happened to Super Dave Osborne?

Apparently not a whole heck of a lot....

www.bobeinstein.com

Indeed

2006-01-01T08:54:00.000-05:00

“Fiction reveals truth that reality obscures.” - Emerson

Cookies

2005-12-29T22:30:00.000-05:00

Some songs are like cookies. Fun little treats that can be chewy or crunchy. They are fun treats to eat, but they aren't very filling.

Then there are the songs that are like full course meals that really satisfy the soul. Those are the kind of songs I like.

"I've fallen and I can't get up!"

2005-12-26T10:37:00.000-05:00

To be or not to be? That is NOT the question.

The real question is:

Do you want fries with that?

On second thought, no. That's not the question either.

Have you noticed how our pop culture questions have changed over time? Fast food joints don't ask if you want fries anymore, they just assume you do. That's why they created the value meals consisting of burger, fries, and a soda pop. Sometimes when I go through the drive-thru of my local fast-food joint, I only order a sandwich. Then, I'm asked by the fuzzy voice on the speaker, "Just the sandwich?" Well, yeah. Duh. That's what I said. Another question that's been changed over time is, "Paper or plastic?" Now days the cashier in the store will ask, "Is plastic OK?" Do I have a choice? The last time I asked for paper bags I got plastic.

I guess we American's can't rely on the classic questions anymore, but just the one-liners that can be used in a variety of situations.

Redemption

2005-12-13T18:25:00.000-05:00

Stanley "Tookie" Williams, co-founder the the Crips street gang, was executed at 12:01 AM Easter Standard Time on December 13, 2005 after losing an appeal for clemency from California governor Arnold Swarzenegger and the Supreme Court. Williams was convicted for the murder of four people in 1979, and had been on death row for the past 24 years.

I was asleep in my warm bed when a man on the other side of the U.S. was being put to death. Killed.

I can remember a time when I was all-for the death penalty, but that's when I didn't understand it too clearly. I'm not saying I'm against it now. However, I am saying that there should be specific rules put into place and criminals should meet a certain criteria before they are sentenced to death. I could go on and on about all the rules I think should be adopted regarding this issue, but I won't because this is America and every criminal has a right to waste our tax money on trying to free themselves, guilty or not, from the slammer.

....I have an issue with this that I can't quite phrase and it's driving me crazy...

I'll have to come back to this later.

Fixt

2005-12-09T20:45:00.000-05:00

It must have been a server issue with Blogger.com because my blogs are working fine now.

Nope.

Nothing broken.

Broken

2005-12-05T19:59:00.000-05:00

My other blog seems to be broken, so ...deal with it.

Dinner and a show

2005-11-28T19:13:00.000-05:00

It seems as though I have developed a somewhat odd habit of dancing around the kitchen, bereft of music, while cooking my dinner. I can't explain why I do it, but it sure is FUN!

How true

2005-11-20T14:57:00.000-05:00

Your Birthdate: June 23

You're not good at any one thing, and that's the problem.
You're good at so much - you never know what to do.
Change is in your blood, and you don't stick to much for long.
You are destined for a life of travel and fun.

Your strength: Your likeability

Your weakness: You never feel satisfied

Your power color: Bright yellow

Your power symbol: Asterisk

Your power month: May

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Weirdo

2005-11-20T14:47:00.000-05:00

You Are 40% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird...
But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

Half breed

2005-11-20T14:42:00.000-05:00

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Ignition

2005-11-20T14:31:00.000-05:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Back to the grind

2005-11-14T18:01:00.000-05:00

Just when I was getting accustomed to being a sponge I get called back to work.

I wonder how long before I get laid-off again.

No preservatives

2005-11-13T08:53:00.000-05:00

"At the tone the time will be Now......BEEP......it is now Now"

I don't really have anything to say today. No major complaints other than being laid-off from my job.

And uh....let's see...what else?....eh, yeah, that's about it.

It's Alive

2005-10-29T08:50:00.000-04:00

I decided to "undelete" this blog because I like having more than one.

Delete

2005-10-07T22:48:00.000-04:00

I just deleted my photo blog. I wasn't keeping up with it anyway.

And this blog will be deleted within the next few days.

Lesson

2005-10-06T15:54:00.000-04:00

I am not blind just really confused.

Uncle

2005-09-29T15:48:00.000-04:00

I give up.

Progressive

2005-09-24T09:42:00.000-04:00

It's stunning to me how much progress I have made in the past week.

From a glance on Monday to a fifteen minute face to face conversation on Friday. This making friends business isn't that difficult. I'm looking forward to next week.

Tick Tock

2005-09-11T14:26:00.000-04:00

I think my time here is almost up.

Does "here" mean Earth or Grand Rapids, Michigan?

We shall see.

Tea

2005-09-09T21:20:00.000-04:00

Ever since I first tasted Lipton's instant mango and mandarin iced green tea, I developed a distaste for plain water.

This particular tea was designed to be added to bottled-water, so one could have a tasty refreshment on-the-go. The only problem I have with this tea is that when added to water in a clear bottle, it resembles concentrated urine.

Mmm.....urine.

Sincerely

2005-08-23T21:10:00.000-04:00

Dear John,

Why don't you ever listen to me?

Sincerely,

Corinna

So how was your day?

2005-08-22T17:03:00.000-04:00

I don't like how he talks my ear off for 40 minutes about things that are of no consequence to me and then ask me how my day was.

"Great.", I reply.

And then back to the rambling.

Contraindicated

2005-08-20T19:18:00.000-04:00

I think I need a new personality. I can't deal with myself anymore.

Will someone please adjust my attitude?

Enola

2005-08-19T21:08:00.000-04:00

Enola is an old English name whose meaning, over the years, has been lost.

I like this name. It no longer has a meaning yet it means so much when spelled backwards.

Alone.

I think it fits me perfectly.

Suffocate

2005-08-18T16:53:00.000-04:00

It's Thursday and my weekend depression has already set in.

I feel as though I am drowning.

Long Distance

2005-08-15T20:03:00.000-04:00

I suppose the one good thing about long distance relationships is that when you get you're feelings hurt over the telephone you can just hang up and pretend like the other person doesn't exist.

Space Invaders

2005-08-13T15:53:00.000-04:00

It never fails. Whenever I get in the check-out line at the store, non-American people get in line behind me. I wouldn't normally have a problem with this if they could understand the concept of personal space, but they don't. Today I was violated by three Asian women who looked at me as if I had a problem. I did have a problem; them!

I need a t-shirt that reads "I'm contagious" in many different languages.

To be

2005-08-12T17:03:00.000-04:00

The first verb taught in every foreign language class is always the one that means 'to be'.

"I am" is the most basic, and profound statement any person can make about him or herself. In Spanish it's "yo soy", and in French it's "je suis". If the "i" is removed from "je suis", the two words put together reveal The Great I Am. Jesus. Although it may be a coincidence, I find it interesting.

I have been having a problem with the concept of existence. Am I a body with a soul or am I a soul with a body? When I interact with others is it my soul or my body conversing? Is 'I" body or soul?

Or maybe...I am like a Trill character from Star Trek where my body and soul are symbiotic. The body can not live without the soul, but the soul can live without the body. Can't it? I've never been dead before so, I don't know.

I have before seen a human body void of soul,
lying in a casket, cold.
But never have I seen only a soul.

When dead people are forgotten do they cease to exist? When living people are forgotten to they also cease to exist?
If nothing is remembered, is all forgotten?

When I was a child, I was told on countless occasions, "You are so quiet, I forgot you were here". During that timeframe of forgetfulness by my caretaker, did I cease to exist in their world?

I have been neglected for so long that I am now beginning to question my existence.

Unfortunately, I know I exist because I'm questioning it and humans question everything.

Confirmation

2005-08-07T14:05:00.000-04:00

My ex-boyfriend once told me that no other man besides him would want me because I am too crazy. After filling out the eHarmony personality profile, I see that he is correct.

My results:

"eHarmony is based upon a complex matching system developed through extensive research with married couples. One of the requirements for successful matching is that participants to fall within certain defined profiles. If we find that we will not be able to match a user using these profiles, we feel it is only fair to inform them early in the process.

We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish happy, lasting relationships that we sometimes choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.

Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. This occurs for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time."

Heaven help me.

Transcript

2005-08-03T17:47:00.000-04:00

I was chatting with a friend via Instant Messenger today regarding my lack of interest in various hobbies that I had taken up in the past. There isn't much at all in this world that means a great deal to me and according to my friend this is why...

almo says:
   thats because you are used to somebody that shows a very brief and very superficial interest in what you like and want to do, even to the point where she would help to fund it, then when you are just really getting commfy with it, WHAM

almo says:
   she pulls the rug out from under you

almo says:
   you have told me countless shitty stories like that from your past

gniw says:
   interesting

almo says:
   its not hard to see why you are afraid to like something when you can't trust anybody to support you in your interests

almo says:
   i think that is why you always hated the things that I took up after you

almo says:
   i think it was a deffencive mechanism

...I hate when he's right.

Frustration

2005-08-02T19:08:00.000-04:00

Frustration is the inability to express myself with words the way a musician can express himself with his instrument.

Smoke & Mirrors

2005-08-01T17:52:00.000-04:00

It's amazing that we see people everyday for who we think they are or who we want them to be, but when the truth comes out it's never what we imagined.

I have a whole list of words I use to describe myself. Some of them are:

Guilty
Thief
Manipulative
Undeserving
Obnoxious
Unapproachable
Cold-hearted
Unattractive

Sometimes, I wish that whenever I look at another person I could see how he or she perceives me. Then perhaps I could exchange those negative words with positive ones because I'm not convinced I'm really all that bad.

Conversations

2005-07-30T17:08:00.000-04:00

I don't talk to many people, but when I do the conversations are enough to absolutely kill me.

I talk to my ex-boyfriend on the phone fairly often because we are still friends. He lives in Florida and he's always calling me. I don't usually mind talking to him if there is an actual conversation to be had, but most of the time there isn't. He usually goes on at length about the things he wants while I just sit back and say things like "Uh huh" and "OK".

At work, the girl I sit next to likes to tell me all about her giant boobs, what size bra she wears, and her constantly-on-the-road boyfriend whom she rarely gets to see. I can totally understand her lack of conversational material, I've been there myself. I just wish she would talk about something else because she is a nice person and I don't want to grow weary of sitting next to her.

I require a sane conversation every now and then.

Who the hell do I have to call around here to get one?

C Major

2005-07-29T17:37:00.000-04:00

OK. This is an interesting problem.

While heating up some food in the microwave this afternoon, I thought I would spend a few minutes with my old pals Ebony and Ivory. I touched the keys of my dilapidated piano, and in a completely inspired moment, I had the makings of a very soulful yet enthusiastic thought in the key of C Major. In shock, I pulled my hands away and yelled, "Shit!". This always happens at the most inconvenient moment. I have only just recently realized that I don't think in words. I think in sounds and rhythms. I must have been in a good mood at that moment because I rarely ever play anything in the key of C Major. Next to F Major, C Major is one of the happiest sounding keys. Here is the problem at large. I have, in my head, the makings of what could be a very good song, but I don't have any way of recording it. My only options are to: 1) Spend over $200 on an electric keyboard and software for use with my computer, 2) Record myself at the piano with an antiquated cassette recorder, or 3) play the song over and over again without the cassette recorder in order to remember it for use sometime in the distant future. Perhaps I should just let it go? After all, it was just a thought and thoughts are fleeting.

Attention all bulimics!

2005-07-27T22:14:00.000-04:00

I shouldn't be admitting this, but whatever that hellish stench is that is coming from my mother's room is enough to make me want to projectile vomit every meal I ever ate in my whole life. With that being said, if you're a bulimic who doesn't like the finger gagging method, come on over. I got the cure for what ails ya.

Where are my sash and tiara?

2005-07-27T20:37:00.000-04:00

Third semester of school.....DONE!

Final grade of most bitched about research paper....A!

Final grade of stupid film commentary paper that was two pages too short...A- !

Now that I have the whole month of August to myself, I'll have plenty of time to complain about not having anything to complain about.

Yippy skippy!!

AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!

2005-07-26T19:16:00.000-04:00

I am so tired I could cry. I don't know if it's mental, emotional, or physical exhaustion, but I've been feeling this way for a while now. I keep putting of this stupid research paper because I don't want to do it. I don't like research papers. I don't like being forced to write, especially if I can't add humor to the topic. My left eye lid has been twitching for a week and it's driving me crazy. SERENITY NOW!! *sigh* That never works. After tomorrow I'll have a whole month to do absolutely nothing. I only wish I had the guts to go to Chicago alone, I'd love to see the cadavers at the Museum of Science & Industry.

May I sleep now and forever hold my peace?

I didn't think so.

Nothing wins again

2005-07-24T12:53:00.000-04:00

Today is the day where anything and nothing could happen.
For me, everyday is like this.
It's Sunday and I'm wasting my time again.
I should be writing a research paper right now.
I should be writing a commentary about a film right now.
My decomposing body should be washing up onto the shore of Lake Michigan right now,
but it's not.
Today is the day where anything and nothing could happen.
I'm betting on nothing.

Damn it!

2005-07-24T01:37:00.000-04:00

I have nothing more to say.

I lied.